Had Angela Doubleday continued to play a spaced-out hippie she 
                would have finished in a one-bedroom apartment far from the studios 
                and not on a two-acre estate in Malibu. The defining moment in 
                her career came when the director Sidney Lumet cast her in the 
                role of Anna, the voracious young wife in Eugene O’Neill’s 
                Desire Under the Elms. Doubleday played Anna like a cornered lioness. 
                The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences likes nothing 
                more than a surprise turn by one of its stars and gave her the 
                nod for the first of four Academy Award nominations, the last 
                for a low budget independent production in which she portrayed 
                an aging Las Vegas showgirl battling drug and alchohol addiction.
               The stalker attacked on the night she celebrated her nomination 
                with members of the film’s cast and crew. He broke through 
                a security barrier outside Spago in Beverly Hills and slashed 
                a guard with his pen knife. The stalker had been following her 
                for two months. Something glinted in his raised hand as he charged 
                forward. Everybody swore it was the knife. An off-duty cop shot 
                him. The stalker grabbed the bodice of Doubleday’s dress 
                as he fell. He weighed no more than 130 pounds and was mortally 
                wounded but gripped her so fiercely they sprawled together to 
                the ground. The bullet had clipped his aorta. He bled to death 
                in seconds. When the guards peeled him away they found a doll 
                in the hand where the knife should have been. The doll was dressed 
                and painted to look like Angela Doubleday. In the note pinned 
                to the doll’s dress he wrote that he intended to give it 
                to her.
               I put my eye to the viewfinder again and panned from the house 
                to the sea, where the stiff offshore breeze whipped a flotilla 
                of catamarans and windsurfers beyond the wave break. For a moment 
                the real world vanished. Only the image existed, bright and beautifully 
                distant, the four corners of the viewfinder framing the world 
                into a coherency I found lacking to the naked eye. A crack and 
                splinter of brush behind me pulled my face from the camera. A 
                man crashed through the chaparral on the opposite side of the 
                rock, charging down the hill at such speed that when he glimpsed 
                me in passing and tried to stop he skidded ten yards into a clump 
                of sage. I yanked the 500 and inserted a 50 millimeter lens, not 
                thinking much about him at the moment except that he was too close 
                for the telephoto. The man had a wild and winded look, one hand 
                grabbing the sage for balance and the other hidden behind his 
                back as he stared at me, wide-eyed and panting. I didn’t 
                confuse him for a day hiker, not after glancing at his corduroy 
                pants and slick-soled loafers. I lifted the viewfinder and focused 
                on his face. He didn’t look too happy about the camera. 
                A four-day growth stubbled his jaw, which was the style of the 
                moment, combined with black hair gelled back in thick grooves. 
                His eyes were a bright, psychopathic blue. I figured him for a 
                bodyguard, someone hired to keep creeps like me away from Angela 
                Doubleday.
               I took the shot.
                He released his hold on the sage to climb up to me but the soles 
                of his loafers wouldn’t hold on the hardpan and he slipped 
                to one knee.
                I took that shot, too.
               He pushed off the ground, jerked a pistol from behind his belt 
                and told me to give him the camera. He didn’t bother to 
                point the pistol at me, as though I’d drop dead at the mere 
                sight of one. I lowered the Nikon, let him see my face. I have 
                a nice face. Some men find me attractive, particularly ones who 
                don’t expect a woman to look like a Barbie doll, unless 
                it’s one who dresses in black, wears a nose stud and can 
                do a hundred push-ups in less than three minutes. I’ve done 
                time, and when someone tells me to do something I don’t 
                want to do, I’ve learned how to make my face a hard place 
                to look at. I moved my lips carefully, in case he was slow to 
                understand things. I said, “No.”
                He took two nervous steps uphill, afraid of falling. “Look, 
                I don’t have time to fuck around.”
                “Then leave,” I said.
               He inched up the hill again, dug the heel of his downhill foot 
                into the dirt and pointed the pistol at me street punk style, 
                one handed, the grip parallel to the ground. Instinctively, I 
                raised the viewfinder to my eye, as though the magic prism of 
                the lens would shield me from a bullet. Aggressive bodyguards 
                are one of the hazards of my job. I asked, “What are you 
                going to do, shoot me?”
               I watched his finger tighten around the trigger, a movement 
                simultaneous to my own finger pressing against the shutter release. 
                A thought rimmed my mind as we waited for each other to shoot. 
                If he actually did pull the trigger and I caught the flash of 
                the muzzle as the bullet fired I’d rate a Pulitzer Prize 
                in photography, if a posthumous one.
               I took the shot.
                Fired up slope, the bullet struck the camera at the join between 
                lens and body. The viewfinder slammed into my eye like a good 
                left cross.
                I don’t remember going down.
              * * *
              
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